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newVideoPlayer("/Opel_GT_Germany_476.flv", 506, 423,""); Opel's German marketers apparently figured that the German target market for the GT had to be skinny Teutonic Manson Family followers , so it made sense to show how fat, well-heeled, vaguely perved-out old car geeks would be kept away from the GT by its hopelessly cramped sporty small size. Here we see a grizzled Stalingrad survivor, wishing only for a brief moment of happiness to distract him from the waking nightmare that has been his life since 1942... happiness DENIED!
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newVideoPlayer("/81_BMW315_Germany_494.flv", 506, 423,""); We couldn't get the gas-sipping BMW 315 over here in Nordamerika ; instead, we had to make do with the thirsty 320i version of the E21 platform. Over in Germany, however, the money saved on gas by the 315 facilitated drive-by Quaalude deals between wholesome-looking tennis players… or whatever the hell is going on in this ad. Key swapping?
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newVideoPlayer("/70s_Ford_Capri_Germany_494.flv", 506, 423,""); When you're jumping off a cliff while strapped in your German-flag-colored hang glider and clad in the finest of polyester duds, you don't want your special lady to pick you up in some jive-ass tape-striped Opel. You want her to roar down the mountain in a high-performance Ford Capri! Thanks once again to Franzouse for the tip.
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newVideoPlayer("/82_Ford_Granada_Germany_494.flv", 506, 423,""); Now, you might think German men would be at a disadvantage when trying to score with the ladies in Paris, but she'll be saying "Ja, ja!" when Hans rolls into town in a brand-new Ford Granada. No, not this kind of Granada - we mean the European Granada ; Ford thought the name was so good that they needed to assign it to two totally different vehicles. Paris-based Franzouse gets the credit for sharing this one with us; we can assume he's now heading to Berlin to see what kind of effect his Mehari will have on the women there.
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newVideoPlayer("/70s_Opel_Swingers_494.flv", 506, 423,""); Nobody swings quite as hard as German employees of General Motors- in fact, these Opel cats are wailing! Just take the early-70s Kadett, Manta, and Ascona, apply about 50 pounds of decals and stripes per car, and watch the cars fly off the showroom floors. Thanks to Franzouse for the tip!
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newVideoPlayer("/70s_Leyland_Princess_476.flv", 506, 423,""); You can forget everything you've heard about the utterly execrable build quality of British Leyland's nadir, the Princess . Turns out that front-wheel-drive setup, Hydragas suspension, and weight savings from all the parts that fell off during normal operation made for excellent off-road performance!
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newVideoPlayer("/Opel_GT_Screaming_Germans_476.flv", 506, 423,""); Not speaking German, we're probably more frightened by this ad that might be warranted. Perhaps the target market of the Opel GT wasn't really German-style Manson Families looking for some quick, sporty wheels with which to hunt victims in preparation for the final days of Hëltër Schkëltër. Maybe it was all about good, wholesome autobahn hijinks. Thanks to Franzouse for the tip!
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So you're this übermensch-y sorta chiseled blond dude stepping off an Air Tunis Ilyushin-62 in some sweaty clangorous Arab town, and the locals are screaming and there's this godawful wailing music, and you dislike it intensely. So, you go buy yourself a brand-new Mercedes-Benz. Problem solved! By the way, we think we should get Bonus Restraint Points here for not going off on a William S. Burroughs-style routine about purchasing slave boys.
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You could be getting soaked at a bus stop that's colder than a Stalingrad winter, musing film-noirishly about your crimes and the lack of inner moral compass that led to your current state (not understanding German allows us to put noir interpretations on the protagonist's monologue)... or you could be crammed behind the wheel of a 36-horsepower machine equipped with a flower vase and rust-enhancing floorpans. What's it gonna be?
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With its crypto-Jimmy Smith soundtrack and groovy-looking driver hurling the big 300 through the twisties with, it's no wonder that foxy fräulein is digging on dude's choice of car. And who wouldn't? The W109 Mercedes-Benz was quite a machine!
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You think we're all done with the Goggomobil ads? Think again, Helmut! This short film documents the takeover of a small German city by hordes of Goggomobils, with a bouncy accordionic soundtrack to mask the ominous implications. Goggo! Goggo!
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newVideoPlayer("gogomobil_ad_gawker.flv", 475, 376); This profoundly disturbing puppet-show advertisement for the Goggomobile will have you singing the little "Goggo! Goggo!" cuckoo-clock song until you get Tazed by your enraged coworkers. Goggo! Goggo! We're just disappointed that they didn't make a Goggomino version (though there was a van ).
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The early-70s ship of love in this German-market ad doesn't have fuzzy dice, but it does have bongos in the back. We dig the groovy soundtrack and outfits, of course, but the sight of big ol' German cars roaring around a banked track makes us even happier.
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