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newVideoPlayer("/ElCheapo_Australia_87_476.flv", 506, 423,""); So we're picturing this isolated one-dog town in Tasmania, where some guy has soldered together a futzy UHF transmitter out of gear salvaged from wrecked Japanese freighters and calls it a "TV Station." And the only other business in town, a wretched dirt lot covered with expired Holdens and some Nissans dredged out of the wreckage of the same freighter that provided the TV station's "control room," gets a low-end video camera and makes a completely incomprehensible advertisement. Yes, that's it. And you thought you'd never hear a Mexican-Tasmanian accent!
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newVideoPlayer("80s_Holden_Wagons_476.flv", 506, 423,""); Only Australians would make an early-80s station wagon advertisement that showed family-haulin' wagons getting sideways and backwards in hoonage sessions culminating in crazy jumps. We see the six- and eight-cylinder-equipped Holden Commodore and the (Cavalier-based) Holden Camira being put through some highly entertaining paces. Our only problem with this ad is the lack of wagons doing jumps with trailers attached.
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newVideoPlayer("60s_Mini_Deluxe_476.flv", 463, 387,""); "No more sliding windows for Australians considering buying a MIni! Not only that, you can go into multiple spins on wet pavement and recover cleanly- it shows it right there in the ad! We're a little puzzled by the the conversation between the swimsuited man and woman at the beach; we get the "up and down" double entendre, but are we supposed to think that there's some longing for the old sliding Mini windows here?
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newVideoPlayer("70_Hillman_Hunter_Hustler_476.flv", 463, 387,""); The Hillman Hunter was the Chrysler Europe machine that eventually became the Iran Khodro Paykan (and was related to many other British cars of its time). In 1970, Australians could buy themselves a rally-ized version called the Hustler, equipped with a twin-carb 1725cc engine, four-speed box, and one of the most bongo-riffic Sideburn Era ads we've ever seen. Here comes Hustler!
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newVideoPlayer("Schmaltz_Aussie_Toyotas_476.flv", 463, 387,""); American automakers aren't the only ones who play the bechmaltzed patriotism card in their ads, nor even the only ones who break out the mawkish country music in those ads. Here Toyota is letting Australians see how loving their land is the same as loving their Toyotas . It's not quite Morning In America , but it's striving for the same lump-in-throat effect.
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newVideoPlayer("70_Aussie_Falcon_Fairlane_476.flv", 463, 387,""); Apparently the wholesome singing -and- dancing advertisements Ford used for the '69 American models were so good that they recycled the same concept for their Australian ads the following year. The Aussie musicians and dancers are at least twice as hip as their American counterparts, but that's not saying much; Geetz Romo would likely judge them to be square with slightly rounded corners. Still, check out those Australian Falcons and Fairlanes, all destined for the Lord Humungus' motor pool!
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newVideoPlayer("70s_Holden_Shaft_476.flv", 463, 387,""); You can bet your life on the early-70s Holden Kingswood 's four coil springs and win with a jet-smooth ride... but will it cop out when there's danger all about? Looks like either Isaac Hayes made a deal with GM Australia or advantage was taken of some sort of copyright loophole. Either way, the Kingswood was the great way to move! Bow that we've had to listen to some outback lounge singer's interpretation of Issac Hayes, we need to flush all memory of that experience from our minds with a dose of the real thing.
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newVideoPlayer("Holden_Ute_Evolution_476.flv", 463, 387,""); Given the current QOTD , it seems only right to have an Aussie-themed Bonus Classic Ad Watch today, so here ya go! This ad sort of reminds us of Robert Crumb's History of America , with its small towns evolving into McMansion-filled edge cities and tiny utes morphing into somewhat larger versions. But, by God, the Aussies never stopped making cars with truck beds, while Los Norteamericanos cruelly shunned the once-beloved El Camino and Ranchero.
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newVideoPlayer("RAV_Killer_Wasps_476.flv", 475, 376,""); OK, we'll admit that the metric system is the way to go when you're, say, plotting orbital trajectories for the Mars Climate Orbiter and other science-heavy stuff. But when you're talking about the power output of an internal combustion engine, we want to hear galloping hooves , dammit! None of this kilowatt nonsense. Here we see what happens when the Toyota RAV V6 gets marketed using the wrong kind of unit of measurement in Mad Max Land. We're giving extra points for the nice "Oh, What a Feeling" jump at the end.
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newVideoPlayer("84_SuperToyotaMan_476.flv", 475, 376); Back in 1984, car-shopping Aussies might consider a V8-powered ute, but what if the gears of industrial society stopped turning and the juice stopped flowing? Why, they'd be burning up too much fuel roaring about the wasteland in gas-sucking bombs - better to go for the reliability and fuel economy of a Corona or Corolla! Once Super Toyota Man offered you a $250 government grant, all you'd need to do would be to check the box for the Quad Crossbow option and you'd be ready to roll!
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We're a little puzzled by the point of this series of Australian-market Volvo ads. Is Volvo trying to take the sting out of the anger directed at Volvo drivers whose beater 245s trudge along like unflushable turds clogging the highways? Should we substitute stronger epithets for "bloody" here? Perhaps our Aussie readers will enlighten us. In the meantime, make the jump for the rest of the series.
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