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newVideoPlayer("/82_Starlet_JDM_476.flv", 506, 423,""); Those sand rails had better look out, because the Starlet- right off the boat from Japan and sporting JDM fender mirrors and right-hand-drive- now rules the desert! Never mind the fuel-economy thing; it's off-road prowess that gets Starlets off the showroom floor!
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newVideoPlayer("/82_Toyota_Celica_494.flv", 506, 423,""); The problem facing the producers of this ad was plain: they had a budget of roughly $2.99, yet needed to show how futuristic and advanced the new third-gen Celica really was. The solution? Huff paint until your vision goes all woobly, then start the cameras rolling! Arriving on the planet in a snow globe Space Sphere, the Celica awed the world with its quasi-flip-up headlights and ability to drive in a straight line!
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newVideoPlayer("/82_Nissan_Sentra_494.flv", 506, 423,""); Of course we realize that the books were cooked on that 58 MPG figure; the old EPA test had about as much to do with real-world driving as the image of Sea Monkeys has to do with real brine shrimp. Still, though, the '82 Sentra sipped gas through a cocktail straw, and entry-level econoboxes 26 years later are guzzling the stuff by comparison. Would present-day car buyers find this Datsun intolerably loud, cramped, and bouncy, pissing themselves in terror every time an Expedition loomed in their field of vision… and what's with the hand-cranked windows and lack of air conditioning? Yeah, a car like this would have no chance today, but let's see what happens when gas hits 10 bucks per!
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newVideoPlayer("/82_Ford_Granada_Germany_494.flv", 506, 423,""); Now, you might think German men would be at a disadvantage when trying to score with the ladies in Paris, but she'll be saying "Ja, ja!" when Hans rolls into town in a brand-new Ford Granada. No, not this kind of Granada - we mean the European Granada ; Ford thought the name was so good that they needed to assign it to two totally different vehicles. Paris-based Franzouse gets the credit for sharing this one with us; we can assume he's now heading to Berlin to see what kind of effect his Mehari will have on the women there.
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newVideoPlayer("/82_Pontiac_6000_476.flv", 506, 423,""); In the early 80s, it looked like American cars couldn't compete with the imports so well any more. But wait! Here comes the '82 Pontiac 6000, which does its talking where it counts: on the road. Loaded for bear with a (90 horsepower) four-cylinder engine and totally different from its Chevy Celebrity sibling, the 6000 no doubt had Japanese auto execs diving out of office windows.
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newVideoPlayer("82_Mopars_476.flv", 463, 387,""); You could be stuck in a snowdrift, spinning the rear wheels on what appears to be a mid-70s Buick... or you could head on down to your Plymouth dealer and buy one of the fruits of the US Government's bailout of Chrysler Corporation: The 1982 Horizon, Reliant, and TC3! Remember the TC3? Yes, the Plymouth clone of the forgettable Dodge 024... and who could forget the Horizon Miser? Still, these cars helped haul Chrysler out of the abyss.
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newVideoPlayer("81_Renault_18i_476.flv", 463, 387,""); Remember the Renault 18i? Maybe if you live in Europe (where it was called the Renault 18, without the i) you do, but in North America these things disappeared without a trace. AMC had to sell Renaults as part of its deal with the French government; a fair number of Le Cars and Alliances limped off the showroom floors, but the other models (e.g., the Medallion ) were bombs. Smell the desperation in this ad, especially the part at the end about the "10% rollback."
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newVideoPlayer("82_Chevette_Priests_476.flv", 463, 387,""); We have another Classic Ad Watch entry lined up for later today, but after seeing today's DOTS Chevette I felt compelled to throw a Bonus Ad into the mix. Yeah, this one's a little newer (amazingly, the Chevette lingered on until 1987), but you get the idea: cheap car. Really cheap car.
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newVideoPlayer("82_Nissan_Truck_476.flv", 475, 376,""); With Late Malaise-style 9.9% financing being hawked as a great deal (where's my WIN button ?), the furrin-soundin' name "Nissan" replacing the old familiar Datsun, and an absurdly optimistic claim of 43 highway MPG (hmm... didn't crack cocaine first start getting popular about this time?), the '82 Nissan pickup presented a bewildering mix of pluses and minuses for prospective truck buyers... most of whom went out and bought Toyotas. Still, put a 20mm cannon in the bed and the simple, reliable Nissan pickup would fit right in any warlord's motor pool!
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newVideoPlayer("Corona_Roger_Moore.flv", 475, 376); Sure, we though Jodie Foster hawking 5th-gen Civics for the Japanese home market was cool, but how about this series of ads for early-80s Toyota Corona models done by Roger Moore? Yes, an Hombre Secreto like Mr. Moore needs what the Corona offers: turbocharging that sounds just like a jet engine and the boost needed to pass buses full of confetti-throwing American cheerleaders on a Japanese desert highway. Wait, do they have desert highways in Japan?
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We never got the Toyota Carina over here in the States, so it's not a household name here; it was the smaller cousin of the Corona and sold like crazy in Japan. High sales can be attributed to its ability to save puppies floating towards certain death by waterfall; just activate the TWIN CAM TURBO and the pup's as good as rescued!
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