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newVideoPlayer("/81_BMW315_Germany_494.flv", 506, 423,""); We couldn't get the gas-sipping BMW 315 over here in Nordamerika ; instead, we had to make do with the thirsty 320i version of the E21 platform. Over in Germany, however, the money saved on gas by the 315 facilitated drive-by Quaalude deals between wholesome-looking tennis players… or whatever the hell is going on in this ad. Key swapping?
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newVideoPlayer("/Goodwrench_Fuel_Saving_81_476.flv", 506, 423,""); Want to boost the mileage in your '80 Malibu wagon from 11 MPG all the way up to 13 MPG? Mr. Goodwrench has four ways: Air up! Tune Up! Clean Up! Slow Up! Then, next time those pesky Iranians make oil prices go crazy , you'll be ready.
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newVideoPlayer("/81_Maaco_Charo_476.flv", 506, 423,""); When you're talking minor Malaise Era celebrities, you can't do much better than Charo . Maaco decided the ideal ad would start off with Ms. Cuchi-Cuchi providing the intro, then go straight into wooden-faced testimonials from allegedly satisfied customers, including a guy with the classic partly-tinted Serial Killer Eyewear™ look.
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newVideoPlayer("81_Mustang_HotStuff_476.flv", 506, 423,""); When you're a six-foot-tall, 80-pound 1981 babe, the list of things you need for a hot night on the dance floor is pretty short: 1) Cocaine. 2) Absurdly high heels. 3) A Ford Mustang. 4) Cocaine. 5) Cocaine. Ford was eager to provide Item #3, and the 88 HP four-cylinder engine lets you save your money for you-know-what!
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newVideoPlayer("81_Ford_Escort_SS_476.flv", 463, 387,""); It's hard to believe there was ever a time without Ford Escorts in North America, but the '81 was the very first (and, miserable as those early Escorts were, they were much better cars than the Pintos they replaced). The SS was the top-of-the-line Escort for '81, with a whopping 65 horsepower driving the front wheels. Thanks to a short flash of a baseball score (and super-obsessed baseball geeks ), we know this advertisement was aired on May 23, 1981.
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newVideoPlayer("82_Mopars_476.flv", 463, 387,""); You could be stuck in a snowdrift, spinning the rear wheels on what appears to be a mid-70s Buick... or you could head on down to your Plymouth dealer and buy one of the fruits of the US Government's bailout of Chrysler Corporation: The 1982 Horizon, Reliant, and TC3! Remember the TC3? Yes, the Plymouth clone of the forgettable Dodge 024... and who could forget the Horizon Miser? Still, these cars helped haul Chrysler out of the abyss.
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newVideoPlayer("81_Renault_18i_476.flv", 463, 387,""); Remember the Renault 18i? Maybe if you live in Europe (where it was called the Renault 18, without the i) you do, but in North America these things disappeared without a trace. AMC had to sell Renaults as part of its deal with the French government; a fair number of Le Cars and Alliances limped off the showroom floors, but the other models (e.g., the Medallion ) were bombs. Smell the desperation in this ad, especially the part at the end about the "10% rollback."
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newVideoPlayer("81_Vanagon_476.flv", 475, 376); Say you were a Berkeley radical back in 1968- you know, high ideals, willing to lay down your life for The Cause, etc. Then, well, you got taken up on that high mountain and shown the fleshly kingdoms that lay before you, simply for the price of your soul. That's what happened with Jerry, an ex-radical who struck it rich in the house of Mammon. Jerry shed all the trappings of his old life, with the single exception of the Volkswagen bus... perhaps as a cynical reminder to himself of what might have been. Then, some camera-wielding freak from his past shows up when he's leaving work and blows it all to hell. Or something like that. In any case, it's hard to see how this ad could have moved any Transporters off the lots.
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newVideoPlayer("81_Starlet_476.flv", 475, 376); Even though Japanese Starlet Ads are way more fun, there's still some entertainment value to be had from Late Malaise Era US-Market ads. Yes, the '81 Starlet got the best mileage of any car sold in the United States that year- the lack of airbags, air conditioning, power windows, cup holders, and other items now considered absolute necessities certainly helped.
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newVideoPlayer("81_Datsun_10s_476.flv", 475, 376); We were going to make this an all-Toyota, all-Late Malaise Classic Ad Watch week, but if we have to hear the "Oh, What a Feeling" song just one more time we won't be held responsible for our actions. So howzabout we check out a Late Malaise Datsun ad today? This one features some actors with frighteningly blue eyes, a mackin' ladies' man who- for reasons best known to himself- takes his harem out car shopping and buys a fleet of Datsuns instead of, say, a Rolls, and references to the then-two-year-old film 10 .
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newVideoPlayer("81_Corolla_476.flv", 475, 376); It's hard to imagine a time when rear-drive Corollas weren't just about drifting hoonage, but they were mostly marketed as economy cars back in the day. Not only that, back in the Late Malaise Era, the Corolla was a fashion statement! A beautifully smart interior, airy roofline, and a very private trunk... whatever that means. Is there any escape from the Toyota Feeling?
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newVideoPlayer("81_Toyotas_476.flv", 475, 376); You think we've run out of Late Malaise Toyota ads? Think again! This one features by far the most maddening version of the "Oh What a Feeling" song yet, with a vast chorus of potential Toyota buyers singing the praises of the whole Toyota line, from Starlet to 4x4 pickup. Come on, everyone, sing along!
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newVideoPlayer("81_Celica_476.flv", 475, 376); It looks like we're fully locked in on Oh What A Feeling Week here at Classic Ad Watch Central, and there's no telling where it will end! Today's Late Malaise Era Toyota ad features the '82 Celica turning the heads of everything from rollerskaters to rat-rod chicks, with a completely incomprehensible bit involving an animated mailbox that turns day into night. Oh yes, and of course we get The Toyota Leap at the end.
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newVideoPlayer("Jungle_Tercel_476.flv", 475, 376); After seeing the calf-loving sport-truck-driving Late Malaise dude leaping in the air with that Toyota Feeling last Friday, we had that damn song playing in our heads all weekend. Now we shall ensure that no one remains uncontaminated by the "Oh, What A Feeling" ditty, by sharing this ad featuring Tercel Tarzan and his chimp sidekick, Jungle Patrol. Enjoy!
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newVideoPlayer("81_SR5_Longbed.flv", 475, 376); We all know Toyota trucks last forever and make excellent vehicles for warlords and strongmen. But back in the Late Malaise Era, Toyota had an idea that buyers might consider the SR5 longbed as a sports car. After all, it has two seats, right? Check out the aviator-shades-wearing, aggressive-shifting Disco Rancher at the wheel!
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