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newVideoPlayer("VWTouranAd_gawker.flv", 475, 376); If you thought self-parking was just for Lexus, this awesome Volkswagen Touran minivan commercial (which we're trotting out again for Maximum Minivan Day 'cause it's awesome) is about to make you look like a fool. The Germans love minivans and David Hasselhoff, making this pairing a match made in heaven for the average Bavarian. So watch as this cool German guy shows you how it's done — Knight Rider style. Minivans, über alles ! [ Ads Of The World ]
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newVideoPlayer("/84_LTD_494.flv", 506, 423,""); The Fox-based '84 Ford LTD really did handle pretty well… if you checked the boxes for all the suspension options that came on the cop version when you bought one, that is, and for some reason that bit of info doesn't get much play in this ad. This ad would have been far more entertaining had Mr. Bondurant taken the base version out for some door-handle-scraping racetrack action. Why, some madmen even autocross the Fox LTD!
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newVideoPlayer("/Puegeot_205_UK_476.flv", 506, 423,""); You know what feels just like being a hot-rodder American tooling around New Mexico in your chopped pickup truck and then stopping at a redneck diner for a burger? Driving a Peugeot to some crypto-50s-American diner in Newcastle. Bonus points for the rhinestone Peugeot 205 leather jacket!
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newVideoPlayer("/BMW_E39_494.flv", 506, 423,""); British car shoppers in the late 1990s, perhaps not predicting the all-encompassing speed-camera network that would one day render their island unsuitable for M5-grade fast driving, probably yearned for the new factory-hot-rod BMW after seeing this ad. But… don't jet cars go a couple hundred MPH faster than a piston machine?
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newVideoPlayer("/70s_Renault_18_Diesel_494.flv", 506, 423,""); When you've got 66 mighty horsepower clattering under the hood, you know no chains can hold you! Does the Renault 18 chained up in a Roman amphitheater symbolize some sort of Italian-French automotive rivalry? And how many clutch discs were destroyed during the filming of this ad?
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newVideoPlayer("/Simca1000_Spain_476.flv", 506, 423,""); Would you believe two million Simca 1000s were made? Chrysler's little rear-engined machine was a hot seller all over Europe, including Spain, where we see a driving instructor and his student experiencing awe as a result of the incredibly luxurious features of the 1000.
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newVideoPlayer("/98Peugeot106_494.flv", 506, 423,""); In keeping with the suspend-your-disbelief theme of 90s Peugeots in the American West , we now see a Spaniard's 106 rolling up to a stoplight in what appears to be the neutron-enhanced town of Upshot Knothole, Nevada. Naturally, there's some tattooed redneck in a tunnel-rammed truck representing the USA, sort of reminiscent of Lee Ving's character, Missoula, in Dudes , and it goes without saying that he ain't gonna let no damn frogmobile-driving' Yurpean eyeball his woman. You can see where this is going, right?
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newVideoPlayer("/88_929_James_Garner_476.flv", 506, 423,""); Remember the late-80s Mazda 929? It was supposed to be big, fast, and capable of blowing away Infiniti, Acura, and Lexus on the showroom floors; Mazda managed to meet the first two goals, but the last proved elusive. What to do? Bring in James Garner!
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newVideoPlayer("/58_Lincoln_476.flv", 506, 423,""); Given 60 years of hindsight, the argument that the '58 Cadillac looked "hardly distinguishable from the rest of the General Motors line" doesn't hold up real well. Still, Lincoln was rolling out the big guns in the ever-escalating chrome-and-gingerbread arms race of late-1950s Detroit with their cars' design. Thanks to SOS10 for the tip!
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newVideoPlayer("/94_Chevy_Eurosport_Mx.flv", 506, 423,""); What we have here in this Mexican ad appears to be an Olds Cutlass Ciera with a wing and "Eurosport" badging. Apparently El General felt that Mexican car buyers associated the Oldsmobile name with mystery and adventure, and why wouldn't they? Thanks to Uncle Bo for the tip!
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newVideoPlayer("Citroen_GS_Shaddock_476.flv", 506, 423,""); We don't speak Cartoon French around here, but it's pretty clear what's going on in this edition of Classic Ad Watch: the hapless shaddock makes the mistake of attempting to drive a car equipped with a spring-based suspension, is hurled into a tree and suffers head and leg injuries as a result. Better to drive a Citroën GS (such as the one we saw down on the Alameda street last week ), which protects large sentient citrus fruit from harm with its suspension hydropneumatique! Thanks to Franzouse for the tip.
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newVideoPlayer("90_Isuzu_Truck_476.flv", 506, 423,""); You could get a '90 Isuzu pickup for a few hundred bucks less than its Toyota competitor, and the Isuzu beat the Toyota in a couple of areas... but we're pretty sure that Toyota execs just had to take a glance at the Warlord Truck Approval Rating™ in order to restore their confidence. When's the last time you saw a warlord army driving Isuzus?
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newVideoPlayer("Pretty_Polly_Stockings_Jag_476.flv", 494, 410,""); So we got this babe driving down the coast in an old Jaguar and the Charge light comes on. What to do? Why, whip off one of her Pretty Polly stockings and tie it into the exact right length for use as a fan belt (we don't see her adjusting the tension, but we must assume that she's carrying a major set of tools if she's driving that thing out of sight of her garage). What happens next? It probably went like this: Sure, you'd figure there'd be a strict cause/effect relationship between the broken fan belt and the Charge light... but you'd be wrong! There's no such thing as a single equipment failure on an old British car; the broken belt was just a distraction from the real problem. Bad generator? Several connectors going bad at the same moment? Whatever it is, that other stocking isn't going to be much help when the next breakdown takes place a few miles down the coast...
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newVideoPlayer("70s_Triumphs_476.flv", 494, 410,""); When you're caught in flagrante delicto by your special lady's husband and have to flee on foot while dressed in a towel, you might breathe a sigh of relief when you discover he plans to chase you in a Triumph Stag; after all, the timing chains probably won't hold out as long as your legs. But then, in one of those cruel twists of fate that seemed all too common in Malaise Britain, you find yourself in the waking nightmare of being forced to choose another Triumph in which to make your getaway!
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newVideoPlayer("80_Chevette_Dealer_476.flv", 494, 413,""); You Chicago-area folks might remember Timmy of Long Chevrolet in Elmhurst, in which case you've already been inoculated against the effects of this stunning combo of Malaise Era machinery, bad suits, brain-scouringly bad UHF production values, and Timmy's shouts. Chevettes Chevettes Chevettes!
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