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Welcome to Project Car Hell , where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! In our last Hell Project matchup, we learned that two-thirds of Jalopnik readers would choose a Mustang-based Fauxrrari over an Integra-based one as their ride of choice in the Lake Of Fire. The Lake Of Fire, as we know, is rough on body panels… but not nearly as rough as it is on brain-scramblingly complex German electronics. That means we're going to return to Hell Über Alles , with a couple of precision-engineered German machines with bargain-of-a-lifetime price tags. The BMW E23 745i was quite a machine, with the 252 horses churned out by its turbocharged/intercooled 3.2 or 3.4 liter I6 representing a very impressive figure for its era, but they weren't sold in North America. BMW shoppers had to make do with the naturally-aspirated 733i and 735i over here… that is, unless a buyer was willing to brave the wilds of the gray-market import jungle...
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Welcome to Project Car Hell , where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! Last time, we were not particularly shocked to see the Quadra-Citroëns obliterate the Tri-Alfas like a Pluton landing on Fangataufa. The Citroën is one tough customer when it comes to Project Car Hell, but four at once? We admit, that wasn't at all fair to the Alfas, but Italy will be back to reclaim that leaky PCH Trophy soon enough. Today we're going to have a good ol' fashioned one-on-one matchup, with a total of twenty-four cylinders going toe to toe. Mano a mano! That's right, it's Cheap V12 Hell Day! We've had V12 hell before , but what happens when you put two $600 V12 machines together in the Hell Garage? They stay there forever , that's what! But you must choose your eternity here, which means you only get chained to one of these fine machines. You know how much a brand-new BMW 750iL cost new? In 1992, you'd have paid...
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Welcome to Project Car Hell , where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! With the Dow taking it in the shorts today, we're all thinking about how we'll keep afloat during the hard times that seem to be looming, if not already here. Naturally, federal, state, and local governments are thinking the same thing, and that means they're going to jack up the taxes on booze! Which, as students of Southern United States history know, that means opportunity for enterprising gearheads willing to assist the makers of fine lead-and-glycol-enhanced alcoholic beverages in getting their products to thirsty, unemployment-maddened consumers who won't have the wheelbarrows full of hyperinflated cash necessary to pay the revenoors' bite. Yes, you'll need to convert a big, fast car into a white-liquor-haulin' moonshine runner! You know that cash-strapped police departments aren't going to have any money to replace their...
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Welcome to Project Car Hell , where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! Yesterday, a majority of you felt that the Porsche 928 would be a better LeMons car than the Lexus LS400 , citing the alleged reliability of the big Toyota as a factor in the decision. Would a car designed to haul well-to-do realtors in utter comfort be reliable after a few hours of full-throttle hoonage, bashing into tire walls and other cars, even with Japanese engineering on its side? Only one way to answer that question! But maybe we should forget about homemade race cars for a moment and talk about factory race cars. Who hasn't toyed with the idea of waving the Magic Wand Of Legality over a factory race machine- say, one with an absurdly cheap price tag- and making it into a profoundly satisfying daily driver? How hard could it be? You like the Ferrari 360 , but you say it's just not extreme enough for you? Well, then you're an obvious candidate...
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Welcome to Project Car Hell , where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! Last time we took a lung-charringly deep breath of the sulfur-tainted air in the Hell Garage (where the boombox refuses to play anything other than the 1910 Fruitgum Company), we learned that 54% of PCH readers prefer a Chevy-powered MGA to a Chevy-powered TR6 . Who knew? Today we're going to up the ante and go with a couple of relatively high-buck projects; one is a type of car we've seen before and the other is plenty obscure. After seeing that beautiful DOTS E-Type , it's hard not to yearn for a genunine, pre-Malaise XKE. The prices for nice ones are pretty brutal, unfortunately, but an enterprising gearhead such as yourself should be able to find a diamond-in-rough Jag and turn it into an envy-generator in no time! When you get a California car, such as this '67 XKE coupe , you don't even need to worry about rust... oh, wait. All right...
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The $10,000 Acura NSX ran away with 62% of the votes in Friday's Choose Your Eternity poll , though the Corvette put in a good showing (and it's unfortunate that the late-in-day timing of PCH made it impossible to give Graverobber Commenter of the Day recognition for this methtastic Inland Empire tale , because he totally deserved it). Today we're going to look at some projects that, if by some miracle you ever managed to get finished, would give you the highly coveted "weirdest car in town" status that true Hell Project aficionados seek. There's no common theme, other than misery obscurity and slippery slope leading straight to the abyss low price of admission, so let's see how a single Bavarian stacks up against a threesome of Brits! Between the Isetta and the 1500 came BMW's 700 , which still had an Isetta-style tiny motorcycle engine in the rear but was shaped more like a normal "three boxes" car. You don't see them around much, since...
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In another setback to French dreams of displaying the All-Time Eternal Project Car Damnation MegaTrophy (which turns into a pile of red powder within a few weeks) at the top of the Eiffel Tower, the hybridized British Leyland machine obliterated the Peugeot diesel in yesterday's Choose Your Eternity poll. The endless battle between PCH Superpowers Britain, France, and Italy will hold a cease-fire today, as we're so inspired by the beauty and coke-dealer-style original price tag of this morning's PCH car that we have no choice but to fill your garage with the sulfurous fumes of two gorgeous- yet maddeningly complex- Bavarian machines today. Back in 1967, many of those hankering for a German performance car usually went for the Porsche 911 (priced at about $5,900) or maybe the Mercedes-Benz 250SL ($6,500). But what about the BMW 2000C, which could be purchased for a mere $5,000 and offered handling and style galore? Not many chose the BMW, which means they're quite difficult...
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On Monday, we headed over to Frozen Finnish Car Hell and watched the '61 Ford Taunus wagon beat the '72 Opel Kadett in the Choose Your Eternity poll . Today we're in the mood for Very Expensive German Luxury, which is always an excellent Project Car Hell theme. You see, high-end German cars have always been chock-full of leading-edge technology, which means that the passage a decade or three can really knock down the purchase price of a nice example... well, that is, if you don't mind a car that needs some TLC! It's time for another Jalopnik Fantasy Garage resident to make an appearance on the Hell That Is Project! Now, many of you may have felt that a genuine 6.9 Mercedes-Benz would never appear in this series, since it's so difficult to find one cheap enough to make the cut. To that sentiment we simply hiss a stern Prussian "NEIN!" in response. That's because we've managed to find this 1979 Mercedes-Benz 450SEL 6.9 (go here if the ad disappears...
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The Neon trounced the Protege in yesterday's Choose Your Eternity poll , which is something of a surprise given that a Protege won the Thunderhill race and would be more hellish to set up as a race car due to the automatic transmission. But no matter- today we're going to see which of two radically different cars will trounce the other like Robert E. Lee trounced the Yankees at Chancellorsville, because we're heading to former Confederate States of America capitol Richmond Virginia (thanks- and a Project Car Hell Tipster T-shirt - to tipster Josh). In addition to having such historical significance, Richmond has plenty of good ol' iron oxide. Yes, metal parts tend to secede from their union with their host cars, and that's why this somewhat rusty 2002 (go here if the ad disappears) can be had for an asking price of just $300. The seller states "im told it runs but has a knock," which at least means it has some sort of engine that's intact enough to have...
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We had another near-tie in yesterday's Choose Your Eternity poll , with the '80 Rolls beating the '59 Triumph by just a few percentage points. Today, we've decided to present you with two starkly different options, either of which would be pretty damn cool to have in your personal automotive stable... after the copious application of time, money, and heartbreak, of course. Owning a finned Cadillac limousine would make you feel like Dean Martin on the way to a gig at the Sands, with a suitcase full of cash in the trunk and a couple of showgirls pouring your martinis. Or, better still, like J. Edgar Hoover on the way to a wiretap, with a trunk full of incriminating files condemning your enemies to lives of misery! What would you say if you had a chance to buy a limo originally purchased by J. Edgar himself? According to its seller, this 1964 seven-passenger Cadillac Limousine is just such a car. The seller claims that GM Heritage has verified Mr. Hoover as the original purchaser...
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As we all know by now, the '65 Marlin stomped the '66 Charger like the NVA stomped the ARVN back in the day, according to yesterday's Choose Your Eternity poll . Of course, it just isn't fair to stack up an AMC against a homely pre-Bullitt Charger... but what really isn't fair is that we haven't had a PCH for the cheapskates for quite a while. As we keep meaning to say on a T-shirt, this is where Bondo is thick and wallets are thin! So count out 150 greasy one-dollar bills and break out every tool you own... This whole "car with engine" thing is so overrated, we say. See, when you get a car with just a gaping void under the hood, you have nothing but opportunity . No limits! And that's what you should keep in mind when you hand over $150 for this 1968 Mercedes sedan . The owner says it's an SL, but it's not; if you squint real hard at the Blur-O-Matic photos you can almost make out some flavor of W114 sedan. Because the photos are something less than informative, you'll have to take the...
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After seeing the '49 Cadillac cruise to victory over the '68 Cad in yesterday's Project Ambulance Hell poll , we realized that we've been making the choices too easy lately. See, the whole point is to make you need the car, even with full open-eyed awareness that it will soon reduce you to a broken, weeping heap of misery crawling across the garage floor. And what better way to reach that goal than via a staggeringly difficult engine swap ? We've picked two cars and four engines, giving you eight wonderful choices! First, the cars: Old British cars have a storied drag racing history in the USA, with the V8-ified Ford Anglias being the most famous examples, and seeing the Morris Minor family tree yesterday put us in a Morris sort of mood. Therefore, the obvious choice for Mix-n-Match Car #1 is this 1957 Morris Minor . The seller seems to think it's a Mini, but he'll be even more confused when you tell him what kind of engine you plan to stuff under its bonnet. It's got some rust, but that...
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With the Studebaker Weasel beating the bratwurst out of the Faun-Kraka in yesterday's poll , we've got the post-apocalyptic Hell Project thing pretty well sewn up for now. But what do you do if you're banking on the machinery of civilization continuing to grind on for the time being? You need to have a ride with style , so that you may drive it over the crushed bodies of your social inferiors on your journey to worship at the shrine of Mammon. You need a big, flashy BMW . In fact, you need a big flashy BMW with twelve cylinders! We've done V12 Jag Hell ; now it's time for V12 BMW Hell! When you're talking droolworthy German coupes, the conversation generally gets to the BMW 850 in a hurry. It's got the looks, it's got the handling, and- perhaps most important of all- it's got a freakin' huge V12 under the hood. Why, we even have one in today's QOTD! Yes indeed, we all want one... but who's got that kind of cash? Well, maybe you do! Howzabout this '91 850i , currently sitting on eBay with...
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Our readership hath decreed that the as-yet-unidentified Jalop writer who just bought a '64 Continental shall rip out the MEL 462 and swap in a turbocharged 460 in its stead , with that option taking a whopping 41% of the total votes. We're disappointed that the Lord Humungus Apocalypto-Mobile option fared so poorly, of course, but voice of the people and all that. Anyway, it's a new week, which means new varieties of eternal wrenching torment. Since we've been on a BMW thing lately, it's time for a couple of BMW projects. Actually, a grand total of four BMW projects! Everyone loves the BMW Isetta , and rightfully so! Just the crazy front-mounted door setup is enough, of course, but then there's the rear-mounted air-cooled motorcycle engine just piling on coolness points to form a huge ziggurat of awesomeness. Of course, the hot ticket was the big Isetta , the 600, which featured double the cylinders and an improved suspension, and this '59 is a fine example of the breed. Priced at a cheapskate...
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