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Welcome to Project Car Hell , where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! We all knew that the Nixonian Cadillac Fleetwood limo had no chance against a Citroën, and our most recent Choose Your Eternity poll confirmed our assumptions. Any Citroën is tough to beat in a Project Car Hell Challenge, due to the off-the-scale readings Citroëns always register on both the Hell-O-Meter and the Cool-O-Meter. And a Citroën SM? Forget it! Even with a fairly nice SM, you'd need some kind of weapons grade project to have any hope against the car made by the French and Italian governments, the pure Essence Of Hell Project centrifuged down from a large quantity of seriously cool machinery and then offered at a price that draws you in like a black hole dragging you past its event horizon. Well, guess what? Even if we'd found an ad for the actual Apollo 16 Lunar Rover , hauled back to Earth by a North Korean spaceship, burned up on reentry...
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Welcome to Project Car Hell , where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! Yesterday, we had the chance to choose between two potential moonshine runners, with either of which one might keep bread on the table during the coming Financiapocalypse , and the Mercury Maruader beat the BMW 850i like Junior Johnson beat the North Carolina Highway Patrol's '53 Ford Mainlines back in the day. However, some of you- I'm not going to use the word "whiners," though it did occur to me- complained that those two cars didn't rate high enough readings on the Hell-O-Meter™. In other words, Hell isn't hot enough for you! We aim to please here, so let's flood the garage with chlorine triflouride , park some more challenging projects inside, and slam the door on you… for eternity! We all thought it was a pretty good score when Seatbelt123 picked up two Alfa Romeo Milanos for his 24 Hours Of LeMons team for just $299...
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Welcome to Project Car Hell , where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! Last time around, 64% of you opted for an eternity in the trunk of Coyote Shivers' 1984 Volvo DL rather than having your bodices ripped by Fabio's Lancia, according to the Choose Your Eternity poll . But enough with the pseudo-celebrity cars- today we need to get back to basics , with a return to the very soul of project car hell: France versus Italy! Right now, Italy is in sole possession of the PCH Superpower trophy- which is in the shop with a bad oil leak and a rod knock- thanks to a very one-sided Pantera-versus-Lotus drubbing , but can the Italians hold firm against the Tsar Bomba of Hell Projects? We'll find out! Remember the Lancia Zagato? Of course not, and you Europeans are probably totally confused about that name slapped on what's obviously some kind of Americanized Beta , but enough of them were sold on these shores that it's...
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When you spot a Citroën SM parked in front of a Starbucks in the San Fernando Valley (also known as the Pornography Capitol Of The Universe) and it's nighttime , what do you do? I'd set a huge gas-soaked tire fire on the pavement to provide enough light for photography, but LateralGPhotography had the gear and the chops to get some great photos just with ambient lighting. Make the jump to see the whole gallery and get a Valley Bonus! galleryPost('DOTSBEWHSM', 3, 'Citroen SM Down On The West Hills Street');
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newVideoPlayer("/Citroen_GSX_476.flv", 506, 423,""); Once you drop off the old man at the (train station? whorehouse?), the Citroën GSX turns you into a total menace on the roads; you'll be beating your chest and howling- and we mean literally howling- with the sheer macho joy of its mighty 65-horsepower engine. It's too bad we found this ad after selecting the entrants for the Best Car Ads Of The 1970s poll , because we think it would have made a strong showing in the vote.
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newVideoPlayer("Citroen_GS_Shaddock_476.flv", 506, 423,""); We don't speak Cartoon French around here, but it's pretty clear what's going on in this edition of Classic Ad Watch: the hapless shaddock makes the mistake of attempting to drive a car equipped with a spring-based suspension, is hurled into a tree and suffers head and leg injuries as a result. Better to drive a Citroën GS (such as the one we saw down on the Alameda street last week ), which protects large sentient citrus fruit from harm with its suspension hydropneumatique! Thanks to Franzouse for the tip.
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We always love to see French cars down on the North American street, especially when they're Citroëns. Chimuel caught this early-70s D Special in Deltaville, Virginia, and had camera at the ready. Note the NASA parking permit. galleryPost('DOTSBEVACitroen', 6, 'Citroen D Special Down On The Virginia Street'); Spotted a Citroën D Special when I was walking around a restaurant in Deltaville, VA. I saw it randomly and there was a nice blue Citroën sitting in an alley, unrestored. The NASA bumper sticker is interesting too.
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After looking at that poor sad Peugeot in the junkyard yesterday, I decided that the '91 Peugeot 405 parked a few blocks from my house now qualifies for DOTS, 17 years old or not. I grabbed my camera and headed out on foot, taking my usual roundabout route in order to maximize discovery of new DOTSworthy machinery. Down a side street, I caught sight of some extremely French-looking taillights on a car parked in the distance. Could it possibly be... a Citroën? The DOTS Holy Grail? Yes! Actually, the real DOTS Holy Grail would be a Wankel-powered Citroën (or, better still, my all-time favorite musclecar: the '69 SC/Rambler), but finding this thing really made my day. The Citroën GS was made from 1970 through 1986; I suspect this is a mid-to-late-70s car, but can't say for sure. It's still got European plates (and a California temporary registration sticker in the rear window), so most likely it's a recent immigrant and the owner is still battling the DMV to get it fully...
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We've been getting some great Down On The Street Bonus Edition photos from our readers (so many, in fact, that it's getting tough to post them as fast as they come in- which is a good problem to have). However, when you find and photograph a daily-driven Citröen Traction-Avant on the streets of your city, you get jumped to the head of the line. Such is the case with Warpig , who has gone on an unprecedented DOTSBE binge in his hometown of Oslo, Norway. He's sent in literally hundreds of photos of interesting old cars found on Oslo's streets, and today we're going to look at some of the Citröens he's shot. Good work, Warpig, and we'll be showing more of your photos in the near future! galleryPost('DOTSBEOsloCitroens', 9, 'French Machinery Down On The Oslo Street');
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In a stunning upset, the Borgward Hansa wagon handed Germany a one-sided victory over the Peugeot 304 in our most recent Choose Your Eternity poll . With France long reigning as the world's lone HyperGalactic PCH OmniPower, we would be remiss if we didn't give the French a shot at prying the oil-leaking, stripped-fastener-thread PCH CryptoChampion trophy from the Germans, in order to prove that the Borgward's victory wasn't just some one-shot fluke. That's why we're rolling out some Hell Project heavy artillery today, with a pair of undeniably cool- yet just as undeniably nightmarish- machines vying for long-term residency in your Garage Of Torture. It wouldn't be fair to break out the H-bomb of French Hell Projects (the Citröen SM ), because we're fairly certain that nothing on the planet can beat the SM in a Project Car Hell matchup. But how about the Citröen CX ? The early CX has many of the features that made the SM so wonderful and terrible, but with...
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It looks like the Jalopnik readership did some agonized soul-searching and decided to go with the 308/Esprit combo over the somewhat imcomplete 365 at a 7-to-3 ratio in yesterday's Cheap Ferrari Edition Choose Your Eternity poll. But an Italian car versus an Anglo-Italian 2-fer brings to mind an interesting PCH dilemma: what happens when you pit a geeky-yet-cool Italian car against a geeky-yet-cool French car? No dreamworld Quattroporte versus SM here; instead it's a pair of cars that don't cost all that much and can even be driven... straight to Hell (i.e., your garage). Most Americans have never heard of the Autobianchi A112 , which is why we're providing the quick lesson in the video above. The little Lancia/Autobianchi/Fiat (mechanically similar to the Fiat 127) wasn't sold in the US of A, but it's worshiped as a classic rally-winning hoonmobile over there in Yurp. And now a A112 could live in your garage, simply by handing over $7,950 to the seller of this '79...
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